I'm going to jail i love you
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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