He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
