glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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