I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
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