i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Randomize
