I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
