Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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