i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
