Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
