here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
