thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
