I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
