i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
