remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
