i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
