You're my little dorito
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
