batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
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