I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
