If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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