you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
