i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Randomize
