I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
