You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
