so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
