i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Randomize
