took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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