You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
