toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
