I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I can text with my tongue
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Someone shattered a urinal.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
