So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I want a musical about memes.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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