I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
