I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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