so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
