if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
PS: I just woke up from my shower
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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