Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
