NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
