Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
