that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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