Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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