Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
