I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
