I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
