did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
