i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
