remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
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