Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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