My sheets look like a crime scene.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
