You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
