I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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