I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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