Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
When are your genitals available?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
