im drinking this country out of the recession.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
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