Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
