the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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