Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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