Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
People in love make me want to vomit
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
