yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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