and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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