I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
