I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
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