Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize