walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
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I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
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I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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