Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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