this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
She's the barista slut.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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