About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
