I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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