I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
