it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
