My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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