mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
