We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
